Googol

The line is so far, its a dot to you!

2010-11-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

I was thiss close (now imagine the sign for pinchin, put ur thumb n index finger really really close, like micrometer close to know the extent of how close) to callin it quits for good, take up a full time job in the company where I work part time to count money by the hour, however small it may be and lose all purpose of initiatin somethin that I thought I could have done without before gettin thiss close to callin it quits!! And then somethin happens that doesn't really serve any friggin purpose, but still made me think that the initiation was worth it, maybe not completely, but even to a tiny little extent. It may come to a point where it feels it is absolutely worth it, provided events transpire in the ambitious way that i'm hopin it would transpire.. ah what the heck, maybe thats a long way off.. but to get back to that feelin, is great!

Sometimes you just need to bounce off ideas from someone you can really talk to. An hour long conversation, of which I took away a considerable part was all it took for that tiny little spark to ignite, or should i say reignite the fire that was so badly needed.

Achievement is a big thing they say. The extent of it and the relevance varies obviously, but from a personal standpoint it is important. Probably for most thats what keeps them going. But this is somethin that goes one notch above achievement. For one thing, achievement was always on the cards, an eventuality which was bound to come sooner or later, but the journey seemed so damn arduous that u'd think whats the point gettin there, which leads back to the feelings of calling it quits.. then comes that one little attempt to gasp over the finish line - the good part being the little digit of the tallest finger did cross - just in the nick of time! Achievement it is - but the end result being contentment, reassurance and 8 months of work paid off coz of one final hour of energy burst! Its almost unjust that 8 months of doubt gets clarified with one hour of work but in hindsight, that hour wouldnt ve existed if not for those 8 months..

Luckily I had the fortune of sharin that moment with the people who made it happen and then share the joy with one long loonnggg long distance call. This, I would relive over n over again, hope there's more to come!

There's a rock, slime underneath, 50 feet of crap and then there's me!

2010-04-11T20:34:00.001-07:00

Been wakin up the last 2 days with this thought stuck.. What is it like in hell?? To think of it, hell s a word which i'd use unwittingly as a passin off, filler, stop gap, inconsequential, almost innocuous word in a random sentence if it ever elicited the word's use.. which goes to say i dont really believe in it, but it still comes up in a conversation like say - to hell with u; go to hell dude/dudette; oh hell, what the hell have I done? ; its hellishly cold outside! oh wait, thats what hell might be like - cold!!!

All this still comes back to the fact that am stuck wonderin abt hell when i'd not give a damn abt it even if i were usin it in some random aforementioned sentences! Now why am i worried abt it all of a sudden,, now,, when everythin seems to be goin just fine for a change?

It roots back to a firm belief that I do have - Karma! Even though i dont believe in heaven/hell concept, i do believe in Karma, the consequence of which might imply heaven/hell tickets.. But even if thats implied, i'd always think if i do somethin wrong, i'll get it back EXACTLY the same way that i did wrong to whomsoever, from whomsoever else! and its proven me right every single time.. Some non-believer might say that life's tooooooooooo big where u'd pretty much experience all the experiences there is to experience and all the bad experiences are just that - bad - it comes with no strings attached.. now this theory might be true, dont u think? come on, face it, at the end of one single, even uneventful day, there's quite a lot u wud ve faced and some, if not most, will definitely bound to be bad, which would make the theory of the non-believer quite accurate!

Even though this theory is theorized (valid word is it?) by me, i'm not a non-believer, like i said before, i do believe in karma.. and sadly, my memory is too good when it comes to rememberin all the shitty things i've done, just to be alert that when i face it back myself - thanks to the karma gods - i can strike it off my "to be experienced soon" list! And thus it makes me happy and i look forward to leadin a clean life jus so i can avoid all the possible future bad deeds tracin back to me by the good karma lords! and so, the non-believer's theory might come with strings attached after all! n those strings are pretty darn strongly strung! (right word again is it?? need a guitarist here!)

This system has worked quite well, trust me, i've had no worries whatsoever.. Its good to be afraid this way if u ask me, u'll keep urself in check, u wont do anythin bad, the universe will keep spinnin bright n shiny and there will be no bad things comin ur way, unless u've done some shitty thing ur past life (now thats a whole new ball game, no dwellin into that, this blog entry pertains to current life damages caused only).. n this fear is gooooood! In fact I think if all parents apply this rule and inculcate that into their children, the world will be a better place to live in, of cos its gettin better due to the fear, but wat the heck, as long as its better, who cares how its better, aint it??

This fool-proof (or is it full proof? damn my knowledge sucks) system has worked wonders for me all my life.. no doubt i've done a LOTTA bad things, but i've got it back every single time,, every single frickin time, which keeps me in check to not repeat it again.. and i'm pretty proud of it cos it definitely stops me every single time i think of steppin into the "dark side"!

But i'm failin my own developed system.. pretty badly.. i've expressed the desire to do everythin bad and worse and it is materializin! n there's no stoppin or comin back from it.. how do i escape the karma gods from this?? i'm shit scared of the gods gettin back at me for this., n when they do get back at me, i'll be scarred for life!

Has anyone seen the video called "the secret"? i have.. it talks abt the law of attraction.. u supposedly jus have to believe and think abt 'it' and it ll get attracted to u.. i believe and think abt karma and i believe n think it ll get back at me.. the secret is gonna work wonders here.. am sooooooooooooo screwed!! :(

Wen i eventually get screwed n look back at this post, i'll definitely think - was it worth it all?? maybe not.. definitely not.. too deep down in the dumpster to walk out of it now.. :-(

Love is all around me!

2009-09-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

Nope, no likin towards the song watsoever.. i do like romantic songs, country songs, slow,peaceful songs, but this doesn fit the bill.. But thats the feelin i've had all day today!! started a disaster, but couldnt ve ended any better.. no wait, it could have, but that dint happen.. Am not askin for much really, jus statin facts as it is..

Amazing how little things can soak u wet with emotions! started off with a msg from a very dear frien who jus left melbourne! :( now am really upset she's not arnd.. but i dont have a say in it, it sucks, but nothin i can do abt it! Now she's as sentimentally damaged as i am! the msg i got from her made my day.. i got up with a feelin of not leavin the bed for life.. But this sprang me right up! I always knew it, but to read it a way she wrote it, i really must ve done somethin amazingly right! Then there was the queue at a bus stop.. where this very pretty girl, very very cute, was standin with a tall bloke.. I interrupted him askin if the bus goes to footscray, he said yes, then i ask - really? he says yes dismissively.. then i ask - hey man, tell me seriously, i ve never been to this area before, does it go to the footscray station?? he breaks the conversation with the cute girl, smiles at me, very genuinely and tells me as nicely as he could - yes bro, it does go to footscray, a 5 minute ride, dont u worry.. i felt so guilty, i thot if i apologized, i'll be stealin some more time of his with his girl.. so i kept quite.. But he was right behind, well within earshot (i was not eavesdroppin okay?) when his girl says, alright u carry on, ll leave.. he goes- i'll wait till u enter.. haha.. now really, these kids must not be a day older than 19, but that was such a sweet gesture.. the girl made it a point to tell him that! I couldn't help but smile!

I then had to go meet my consultant, Erica, an extremely considerate, kind woman! I told her of the probs i faced talkin to an indian DLU officer, we had such a good laugh imaginin that! Its rare u get to see a woman laugh wholeheartedly, without chinta! N there i was, recountin my story, which was rather funny, but i had the privilege of watchin her laugh! I was shit tired until that point, that kinda refreshed me totally! She passed me of on an assigment which i wasn't actually willin to take up, had it not been for her laugh! Besides, it was in a suburb where my cheta works.. pattikad he calls it! so i had to go see it for myself! :-) Yyaannyyways, for this assignment i expected to meet another recluse kid where i'd jus finish my tasks n vacate.. But there comes the happiest lookin two people on the planet! There's a guy on this wheelchair, bein rolled by his sister.. And they looked sooo content! U cud literally see the content on their faces!

His sister led me to my seat.. the sheer mannerism with which she did that, i was left stunned! I couldn't help but think of my own sis! She tended to his every little need.. Every little tiny puny thing! That was 4 hours of my evenin, tired, long day's long evenin, which seemed like 4 mins at the end of it! There i was, doin math n watchin this amazin girl take such good care of her brother.. U had to see it to believe it.. Its injustice to the core if i rant off her actions one after another.. There's a sayin that eyes talk a lot.. Here she was, she dint just talk, she showered love on her brother without even utterin a word! To experience affection is one thing, where u take it for granted, so u dont realize the true extent of it, but to see it first hand, is a different thing altogether.. and i'm privileged to have been able to see that in a person soo dearly! I did a few things which am technically not supposed to do, but i couldnt stop myself from it! If it lands me in trouble, so be it.. I'd give an arm and a leg to spend another day with those two!

On the way back, it got me thinkin.. u see its 2nd september, a very special day for me.. hey, really, there's no meanin attached.. i always say that for everythin to happen, there's a reason behind it.. n the reason means somethin that makes it happen to begin with! But here i am, derivin no meanin, no reason either.. but the thot of the day does always bring a smile on my face! While all this was runnin thru, i was readin a newspaper to distract myself from this.. but it doesn leave u, does it? there was a column which read "i see you".. where people can leave msgs, coded or uncoded to other people based on somethin the previous day.. for eg, one of em read - "hey, i'm the guy who sits beside u every mornin at the parliament railway station, i really think ur very pretty, i'd like to know u more, so how abt a hi tomorrow mornin??"
Now how cool is that? Reflects a lot on hope doesn it? He writes this, which only she wud get n he's not even sure if she wud read this column! to my surprise, there were a dozen others like this! So it put me right back where i dint wanna be - lost in thoughts!! thats when i decided come wat may, this has to go up today.. Am dead tired, half sleepy, i've an idea of wat am writin, but no clue as to how am writin, yet its good enough to drive me to type this in the middle of the night! Somehow, the overwhelmin day i had will never get past me.. I wish i can relive this just one more time, in an infinite loop! heh.. jab bhagwan deta hai, chapppad phaadke deta hai.. so damn true.. i have enough today which just refuses to sink in, not that am tryin to, but it does sooner or later, doesn't it? Here it just doesnt seem likely!!! :D

I cant help but think, there's no limit to how much u can give.. now is there? We tend to hold back for so many reasons - Money constraints, to avoid bein taken for granted, to not give wrong ideas, to not particularly make anyone's day, just dont feel up to it, there's no reason why u shud to start off with, the reasons or the lack of reasons are innumerable! But thats the whole point - why shud u find a reason to give? Jus give! the joy in it jus cant be measured.. n it lasts forever.. longer than glory, coz they say, no matter how brief, glory lasts forever.. I say, this lasts beyond that! There's no such thing as gettin back as much as u give, givin in itself is gettin back aplenty! So watever u'd like to put under gettin back, i'd put under the bonus section! I saw a small glimpse of that today, i saw wats truly bein happy feels like, i saw wat truly givin happiness to someone feels like.. Yes, its a wonderful world! :)

Comfort and peace!

2009-08-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

This, i got started typin long long ago, left it midway for a reason i couldnt remember until just now.. N i just remembered that twas coz of not havin the comfort of finishin it then! heh..

These are the two things that matter a lot for one to live peacefully, dont they? It is unidirectionally symbiotic! or in other words, the latter depends on the former. Without the former, to attain the latter, u've to be in a world of opposite of the former! (that doesn make sense)

But well, thats pretty much the situation i am in, in this lost world, tryin to gain somethin which at some level, is always very precious for me!! To begin with, i was always in a world of comfort! and wen ur in it for too long, u take things for granted.. only wen u get out of it, u realize the true worth of all the people responsible for u to be in there to begin with!! full circle eh??
Either ways, in order to chase the thing i call precious, i've to let go of both the former n latter, jus delete it! Or in better words, ignore the want for it.. Sooner or later, u get used to not havin to think about it and the circumstances around u ease into the definition of havin it!

N thats exactly where i find myself now.. Like the way my ex-roomie/good budd put it, increase the threshold for ur tolerance and forget it, u'll find things a hell of a lot more pleasant.. And other important things take a higher priority and everythin continues like it always has.. Lesson learnt - take things as it come! everythin ll turn out just fine..

That's a lesson i learnt in the most beautiful way possible! Though pain was attached at the other end, the outcome was lovely nonetheless.. Life has a way of givin things back to u.. I had let go, given up, forgotten about the thing naggin n bam.. I got it right back! Ergo, i continue to not bother.. Everything is perfectly welcome, waitin with my arms wide open! :-)

Bright n light!

2009-08-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

Ahh.. had almost given up on bloggin.. not given up per se, but there was no reason i could find to log on n type! there's none today either.. but if there's no reason to not log on, there might as well be no reason to log on anyways.. and rant away!

Now i really wanna know if its jus me or does everyone who've ever dreamt of somethin n havin nearly gotten it (or on the pathway to it) feel so, particularly for those who go study masters abroad - IS IT REALLY WORTH IT? Does spendin all that money on education, livin expenses, livin with unmentionable-permanent-damage-causin-expletives sorta people, studyin (like 4 years of VTU wasnt enough) et cetera et cetera account to anythin? I know everyone feels this sooner or later in their lives, but its a naggin thought nonetheless! But guess wat? few things happened in the last few days which makes me feel - HELL YEAH, DEFINITELY WORTH IT!!!

I had this feelin a long time ago, jus before my 2nd sem started, but it all went straight to hell, now its kinda back up again.. and its a damn good feelin!!!! I left home today, luggin my laptop of which i had no great use, in other words, i had a heavy load on me! Yet, events transpired that made me sooo light! Now there are two people here in Mel whom i'd wanna share it with.. One's gone back for good to India, another s too busy finishin up assignments due in 4 hrs! Turned out, Yarra was my best mate (pun intended)! :) For anyone who's been to Mel, u know wat am talkin abt! Had the most liberating feelin at the end of it.. The best part is, an hour long quiet chat with Yarra, a 5 buck tip to the bagpiper who kept me company, a long walk back home and a beautiful movie later, its still not over!!

Evidently, am thinkin straight after a long long long time.. I prefer tracin back.. tracin back happens in my head by default, n until today i dint know there was another settin that existed, but there u go.. I'm leadin up rather than thinkin back! and yet, i've not yet come to a conclusion, coz u know, there needn't be one! Things are gonna unfold however the heck its going to.. Am jus waitin up to see how it does, oh heck, waitin is not the word, but its nice! :) To all my sweethearts, u know who u are, Thank You!

2009-05-18T23:54:00.001-07:00

Love the song by Nelly Furtado - "why do all good things come to an end?"
Makes so much sense, the song. Time to throw in the cliche - change is the only constant in the world - which many ppl have told me in the past few days, if not weeks. Yea i know, i understand all that, but its the hardest to come to terms with.

This has been playin on my mind all along, which finally is materializin to words, thanks to prison break. All the random half, incomplete or pointless-until-now thoughts came gushin by which made perfect sense, coz i spent all day thinkin about it. I've 2 major reports due by the end of the night and there's bangalore playin a match at the end of the night, but here i am, thinkin about why, how and how perfectly it makes sense - which increases the pain by that much more.

You grow up gettin used to things around you, some u like, some u really loathe. But the bottom line is, u get used to it nonetheless. What happens when that changes? if its somethin u loathe, u welcome it, even thou somewhere deep inside, u dint want it to change, but if its somethin u really really love, how in the bloody hell is it dealt with??

Now i've been away for more than 3 months, which is a lot! and this is growing into me exponentially, which reflects in everythin i do! and all this is a result of the procastination that i keep doin.. When i faced a change that i dint want, i always chose to deal with it sometime later.. be it breakin of a beautiful frienship, creatin another one, breakin away from that, leavin ppl behind, gettin un-used to not havin my ppl arnd, dealin with news i dint wanna hear, finishin somethin jus coz i had to which i wud ve otherwise preferred to stretch jus so as to not miss it wen it aint there and a gazillion other things.

The result of the postponin is overwhelmin! All of it reflected in one shot which i'm not built to withstand! and of all the triggers to make me realize that i've pushed it too far, it had to be prison break! (Oh if ur wonderin wat that has gotta do with this, jus watch it.. If everyone had a support system like Michael does, the world ll be a better place!) But well, what do u know, the implications faced aint fair at all, nothin ever is, atleast not in ur favour coz if not u, there's always another beneficiary. But here, i cant even figure out who the beneficiary is! and if i can in some cases, i dont like it! aarrggghhh.. i sound like a li'l kid frettin over a toy.. but if the kid knows that it aint gonna be his/hers (i'm not a sexist!), the sense of loss is huge!!

Now imagine the sense of loss for a grown up, reasonably mature young fella. Not like i've lost nethin, jus that i'm lost myself. And in that process, everythin i do seems pointless.. why? coz without all the things that i've grown up soooo used to, everythin else is vague.. To put a meanin to the purpose i'm tryin to achieve, some recircuitry in my brain is needed. Until i figure that out, this is jus a way of sayin it out loud to express all that i want.. Miss those, a lot, to a point where the mere thought of it makes me go limp.. I'd rather be there n have it than stay away n say i miss it, but sadly, its not an option for now, which i've to learn to live with.. For all those who ve made a difference in my life (u know it!), thanks! I couldnt ve possibly meant it more, but i really am greatful. lol - and that stands for lots of love!

Now that the objective is attained.... what was the objective again??

2009-04-10T05:56:00.000-07:00

After a series of unfortunate events [1], i was under the impression that the 1st amongst all the events that took place was an inference from the objective that was attained and it was the most obvious part of the deal on the planet. Now i wonder, what the heck was the objective to begin with?

Well, its a passed on knowledge that when there's somethin u really like, try ur best to get it, but when the time comes to let it go, just let it go. This theory goes unquestioned, which holds good for the subconscious, so it never frickin occurs to the f-in head that u have all the rights to question it! where's the proof mate? So heck, i tried all i could to keep it dear to me. An acknowledgement for the effort was definitely there and that did it all. The acknowledgement as per the theory was proof enough to let go and so i did! Now after a series of unfortunate events (refer[1] again), i do realize that the acknowledgement was needed not for the effort, nay! twas needed for the answer that infers from the effort!

Now comes the big question...... Do i put in the effort again?

References:-
[1] lemony snicket's book

ps:- Its insane the kinda marks u lose for not quoting the references used! give it a break man.. so i've made it a point to quote references wherever i use em!
pps:- some ppl are gonna have mighty long conversations with me if i use the above made statement to my daily colloquy! ;-)

Anaseyo- korean for hello!

2009-02-27T06:50:00.000-08:00

Korea.. what can one say about korea.. well what can one say about any place they visit? its always excitin to go be in a place where u havent gone n been before, even if the flights are freakin long - which i ve gotta get used to.. coz where am stayin, even the nearest place is a good 7 hrs flight!
Back to korea, the first thing that hit me after landin on their soil (more like the platform outside the exit gate.. coz within the airport it doesnt count, which still, by the way, does contain soil at the elementary level!), was the cold.. minus 12! In one hand i had my laptop bag and in another, had the cabin baggage.. my hands acted like hooks which were holdin these up! Then came my savior (or is it saviour?), my daddy!! he had a ear plug, a pair of gloves and a mufler waitin for me.. felt much much better.. coz of the cold, couldnt stay at seoul.. took another flight straight to ulsan..

Ulsan:- is where my dad works.. the industrial capital of korea.. thats where all their major industries are established.. To name a few - Hyundai heavy industries n motor company, sansui heavy industries, the korean power plant, KT - korea telecomm (:-D) and a few chhota mota heavy industries, which are big in itself..!! The place is awesome.. well if u ever happen to go there, there are city tours on a daily basis.. each day, a different schedule.. u'll cover pretty much everythin! The local transport is kinda bad thou.. there are only buses and taxis.. taxis can get expensive.. buses, well unless u know korean, u wudnt know how to pay, or worse, where to get off!! so thats one experiment thats made me walk more than 35 kms easily! more on that later..

The first weekend, a few of my dad's colleagues planned out a trip, to a place called muju- a skiing resort! we had to go past a place called miriyang dam to get there.. but damn! the dam was soo freakin beautiful, we stopped there itself.. at a gazebo at a high point on the hill, we COOKED and ate our food.. Well yea, this u shud know! even for a hardcore non vegetarian, korea can get bad! unless u have an international restaurant or a stomach for some real nasty stuff, cant survive there.. the next best thing is to cook urself, which my dad is a punter at! so thats wat we did.. awesome place, had a great time.. thou my teeth were chattering like stones on a conveyor belt (lousy lousy analogy!), twas worth goin there.. photos ll be up on orkut sometime soon i hope!!
Then i went to see a university called KAIST.. its one of the 2-3 unis in korea where english is the mode of instruction.. it has a beautiful campus, very very big.. well, say the size of 35-40 football fields easily! i thot BMSIT seemed like a resort of sorts, but in comparison to this, that looks like a public park in bangalore! as far as my dept is concerned, i only wish they had my course! but am pretty sure, some day ll visit the uni again.. jus for fun if it so turns out! This was one of the three best things in the holidays in korea! Its located in a place called daejeon.. this is much more international than ulsan.. they have a pretty good subway system, apart from the buses n taxis.. and for our benefit, its all in english, so with a map in ur hand, u can pretty much go anywhere in the city!

The weekend to follow, visited another major city called Busan.. There's a pretty popular beach called hae-undae, where they have an underwater aquarium.. Ive put up some snaps of those on orkut.. In the same place, there was a virtual world set up.. a 3D ride! twas fairly alright, but i mentioned it as a tribute to randy pausch.. (look up an entry by the same name or better, google it!) another must mention is the ride on the ropeway.. Its on a mountain called geumgang, where the cable car takes u up a kilometer n a half.. from the mountain top, u can see the entire city!!! the view is breathtakin (thou cliched).. Thats the best part about korea, all the cities are situated in between hills on flat lands, so climb up a hill n u can see the whole city! thats wen i really wished i had those carbon fibre wings! :-)

Meanwhile, Ulsan was awesome! The weather, thankfully was very pleasant.. every mornin i'd go out for a stroll somewhere arnd.. like i mentioned earlier, the city transport ll drive u mad! But it doesnt really matter for a tourist, now does it? hop on hop off wherever the heck u feel like! But comin back home is a bitch.. u really wudnt know how.. so wat i did was, got off at a place i've seen before with dad and walk back.. which translates from a 10 mins car drive to a 2 hrs walk! but twas fun nonetheless.. This is where i had the 1st and the 2nd best experience (to which the 2nd worst exp is tagged!).. Twas a longtime wish to spend holidays with dad.. it finally came true.. and to eat his cookin everyday, its a blessin i tell u! now that i cook myself (if not all of us that is), i realize wat eatin good, no wait, great food's worth is!! The 2nd best exp were the bars.. Korean bars.. every bar has a pool table! me n dad and dad's frien, paul uncle wud go there pretty much everyday! all we had to do was order an orange juice n play pool! I'd never had a better time i tell u.. Addictive game no doubt, but the other two were at the same level as me! (which is fairly decent mind u), so the competition was always fun! Add to this, the cutest and at the same time, the hottest korean girl on the planet, servin juice for u! (sounds lame that i ve to put juice there and not drinks, but well, i dont booze!) to top it all, she knew english! to top that, with a cherry i might say, she studies in sydney! pretty close by eh? another reason for me to go visit that city! but like i said, the 2nd biggest disappointment tagged with it- my dad keepin an eye on the girls i hit at! So the best i got was a hand shake n "hopefully see u in australia" from her.. it sucks that i dont even know her name! :-( But hey, sydney it is!!!

The most disappointing incident thou was missin the city tour bus.. My dad had scheduled an industrial tour for me, where i could visit the power plant, the hyundai motor car company and the heavy industries.. and i missed the darned bus coz the freakin driver's bus i sat in, dint know english! i saw the bus leavin right past me.. (twas like missin a majestic bus from j.p. nagar, only far far far more painful!) the day was pathetic.. took a walk back home all the way - 23 kms! depression does make me go on long walks, but this was by far the longest i've taken.. later on thou, dad took me to the heavy industries where i got to see the platforms bein built for the oil rig and the buildin of an alpine n a maersk ship.. kinda made up for the miss in more ways than one!

Then came the last weekend in the korea sojourn.. left to seoul 2 days in advance, to see the capital.. I stayed in a street called itae won which is mainly for foreigners.. too many brands there.. not to mention the multi cuisine restaurants.. But the street had one shop which i have to mention.. the board read:-
Make yourself..
... fucking lovely!
No kiddin mates.. N yea, u guessed right, its a lingerie shop! But well, otherwise, i could only go visit a museum nearby called the war memorial.. which had history legends on the korean seperation..But sadly, the temp was cold again.. dint want my hands hookin up, so dint go anywher else.. and that was the end of it.. End of my long, extended vacation..

The koreans are very nice people, very cultured.. they help u in every which way possible.. have never seen more honest people in life.. the average honesty level will easily surpass the most honest person in india, they re that nice! english can be a big big problem, but its easy to get by anyways.. their language is complicated, but a lotta fun to learn.. is it a place worth visitin u ask? hell yeah..

De-purposed!

2009-01-28T19:00:00.000-08:00

Been on my mind for a real long time, in the subconscious maybe.. but the realization occured last night! When do u know things have changed? and changed for good to top it? lookin back, seems like i've known since a long time.. jus dint realize it! and wen i realized it, twas 2 days before i left for good.. When evaluations in terms of percentages creeps in, u know the value u hold is not true.. I've been constantly evaluated for the last 6 months..! So, from 70-30, it tipped over to 50-50 and now finally 100-0.. makes me wonder, why wud anyone put an estimate on somethin? in order to predict whether or not it will tip to ur favour or not, right? So if u really want it to tip to ur side, u'd do somethin, anythin, in fact everythin to make it happen! but if u jus see wat wud naturally occur, then ur jus testin it! So i cant help but think, somethin u held so dear for so long, is it morally right, okay forget moral codes, is it right by any means to put it under testin conditions? u can only do that wen ur prepared to let go if the need arises.. aint it? thats exactly wat happened!

Whenever i write somethin, i have a very specific "audience" in mind, for whom i'd intend to read it out to or better put, to convey the message to! for anybody else, everythin i say wud seem utterly gibberish, unless they're way too liberal with their thought process.. So my very specific audience (consciously or subconsciously intended, i dunno, dont care!) has no possible way to reach out coz the givin up has already happened!

and yet i write! ironic huh?!? de-purposed it is! so writin without a purpose.. coz wat the heck, there neednt be one all the time? is there???

studyin wat i've been studyin offlate at such intense levels has made my big goal picture materialize faster n clearer than i had ever expected it to! earlier i thot that it was a big jigsaw puzzle where pieces are lost or misplaced, i jus have to put it in order.. but its one helluva lot more complex an analogy than a lame jigsaw puzzle (the analogy not the game, coz i loooovvveee jigsaws! even the saw series kind!).. so i cud relate it to somethin more complex like an unthought canvas.. the paint modification and the image in the head which is to be portrayed changes constantly to materialize to a masterpiece! haah.. very presumptuous to think of it as a masterpiece u'd think, but it is one, cant put another better word instead!

The best part of all this is, i always thot i had it all figured out, jus have to work towards it.. now that am workin towards it, there's a shit load more of stuff to figure out! and its fffuuunnnn... a lotta fffffuuuuuunnnnnn..

The sad part is, there's somethin really big missin in the whole journey! maybe i'm wholly responsible for it to be missin, so even if that maybe is a certainty, i tried makin amends to it.. some sorta demuxin n reroutin shud happen is all am hopin for! hehe.. to encrypt a message on a public forum is such a lame thing to have an attempt at! really..

So until that happens, i'll go stargazin on my desktop background! yeah, its my birthday! hehe..

Storage Space!

2008-12-22T12:29:00.000-08:00

When it comes to computers, the one thing i crib about, the only thing i crib about is the hard disk capacity.. The comp used in typin this, is ancient.. almost obsolete.. It has 256 mb ram, no graphics card (i anyway dont play pc games) and a real lousy monitor.. its actually blurred, hurts to read from it..

I have a laptop with 250 gigs of hard disk.. an external hard drive with 320 gigs.. pc has abt 60.. and despite all this, for the past few days i've been worried big time about storage capacity.. thats simply not enough space! In the process of reinstallin the OS (works to conjure some extra space, well i used that word coz i dont understand where that extra bit of memory comes from!) and cleanin up my PC, i realized wat has been the single longest fear (not biggest mind u) for me, all my life- STORAGE SPACE.. and this applies for everythin!

I was tracin back, jus to figure out how it has been the most lastin fear i've had..

I've already mentioned the hard disk capacity. A few years ago twas the notebooks i had in which i made notes for studyin.. i was always worried i'll run outta pages and i'll have to buy a new one and i never liked (only then, not now) to refer to more than one source, i needed everythin to be in one place.. (although now, if i have jus one source, its not inspirin enough to go ahead with it, thanks to the internet). In school, twas my bookshelf, i was in constant fear that i'll run outta place to keep all my books (10th std in cbse is a pain, this is wat lead me to the "i want everythin in one place" stage!) i had two shelves, one raised platform in my room which was wide enough and half my bed for all the books and still, it wasn't enough! Before that, the foodie that i am, twas the size of my tiffin box.. Twas small enough already, add to it the 20 odd people that pounce on it the first given chance, odds were rather bad for my huge tummy!!

But the biggest of all- and this one's right from wen i first learnt how to learn until today- has been my brain's memory capacity.. twas a problem unnoticed for a very long time and i always thought my interest for learnin will never end and the brain is big enough to hold all of it in, so its okay.. I'd never forget anythin, be it the first time i calculated a bill in a saree shop- hey, with my mom- which made her pay extra 100 bucks or an old man in a bright red shirt wavin at me from a bus for no reason (i've no reason to remember him, i just do!) or watever, I'd never forget!

Then came a jackass of a lecturer S.C.S... that filth filled garbage (is it redundant??) must still be teachin at vijaya junior, pre-uni coll.. He said in his lousy lecture once, that the brain has 27 million pages (this was the exact number he said, thou not that hard to remember!!) and once its filled, u cant put in anythin new inside and then he laughs sayin its a joke we wud never understand.. well i still dont!

But well, the kinda thots that came in- thats too few pages, it gets filled in no time and sure as hell, half of those wud be with images of adriana lima, rachel leigh cook, tara reid, monet mazur, salma hayek, the girl i'd seen at the corniche in AUH and the likes.. so it leaves very little space for other important things!!! So in a way, i'd refuse to learn things, subconsciously of course, in fear of deemin it useless later..I was 16, i'd say then i was mature enough, but well, if i see a 20 year old 'kid' (not 21 ;-) ) i'd say exactly that - a kid.. not mature enough.. So obviously, that attitude was dumb, but well, the problem did get noticed.. and thats the fear now!

Now of cos, its understood that it depends on how much ur interested in a certain thing to remember somethin of it.. But hell, that lecture is somethin thats always at the back of my head.. even if its dumb, i end up askin myself is it worth it to read about, know abt, to compensate for some of my brain cells to be strained upon?

Saw somewhere, that wen u put a face to ur fear, its easy to fight it off..:-)

... continued!

2008-12-18T03:49:00.000-08:00

Call this part two of 'started'.. once u've started u can only continue..hence the entry!

I was left wonderin wat i had to do at the end of that post.. well i had no idea wat i meant by sayin i dint know wat i had to do.. coz u see, the bigger picture was right, right from the start.. all i was concerned was, for the start to happen and it did and thats it! It ends there..

Okay lets define 'normal' at this point.. When someone says its normal- wat exactly does it mean? highly depends on the context, dont u think? health's normal - means it is how its supposed to be, mood's normal - means there's nothin special or bad happenin, everythin is fine, situation is normal - means it is how it has always been, no changes.. But wat does it mean w.r.t. a relationship? hey i mean any relationship, be it friens, family, sister, wateva.. I was told once- i'm glad everythin is back to normal.. that made me immensely happy.. my perception of course, was that there's no more problems, wateva was buggin for the period of time where it was non-normal (not unnormal, mind u!), is over and i dont have to worry about anythin..

Readin that piece of paper which stated that, is the reason for writin this! For the second time around, its back to normal.. I dont have to worry about the bigger picture.. Coz the bigger picture has been the same for as far back as i can remember..

After a start comes continued followed by finished.. But i hope it stays on continued in an infinite loop! :):D

Lame!

2008-12-07T13:49:00.000-08:00

I do this quite often.. The facts r literally starin at u.. The hints are spelt out like a task description.. Ur mind tells u to just carry it out and assures u things will be good after it AND YET, i manage to goof things up in the most natural way possible.. The way in which i manage to do it, anyone else wud have to put an effort to pull it off.. But it comes so easily to me..

Most recurrin one wud be to say the lamest, dumbest, "please dont say this, thats the ultimate goof up" thing possible.. ive done that a gazillion times (well 4-5 maybe).. The second most recurrin one wud be to NOT do somethin which is seemingly the most obvious thing to do.. God, even a blind dude wud figure it out and i dont..

So for all those i've goofed up the most often with - usually on the most important occasions - jus know that i feel like an idiot bein there, if i had a chance, i'd do things a whole lot differently and even otherwise, its jus the same for me with u even if the goof up suggests differently.. Hope any assumptions aren't made the way i do all the time! and oh, love u.. Big time!

Here's wishin some sense to be instilled in me so it doesn happen again! Thanks! :-)

Finally wen it mattered!!

2008-12-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

Today, the day which i consider as just another day, (coz its no big a deal that ur born, its a big deal wen u make somethin outta ur birth that means a lot to ur existence!) the main paragraph got filled! Refer to the entry "started" for this.. where i said for makin a point, the main paragraph has to be one point one para.. Now to think of this, its amazin how i relate one thing to another which makes absolutely no frickin sense to anyone else but me!

so to put it in simple terms, met my dearest loved frien after a long, looonng , great wall of china long, time! Normally i dont like it much wen anyone close to me do anythin for my birthday coz it shudnt really matter.. but hey, their birthdays matter a lot to me - coz for me, to celebrate one's birthday is a way of sayin thanks for takin birth and comin in to my life! so i assume its the same for the ones who wanna celebrate mine, so i'm cool with it..

But with this frien, i almost went to the point of bein pushy to ask her to come meet me.. she's so sweet, i know that the celebrations wud ve happened in some way somehow for sure.. but i was soo scared she'd be busy that i kept droppin subtle and not so subtle and oh this is definitely not subtle kinda hints to put across that i really wanted to spend time with her.. and boy was it nice.. Had a wonderful day, thanks to this one.. She doesnt have to do anythin for me and yet i feel like the pole star but she does soo much, so u see, the luminescence picks up a 100 notches!

My mind reader came for some time too..and as ever, our coded conversations are always nice!

Then my aunt kept pushin me to open the door for no reason watsoeva.. turns out to be my school friens (with three important dudes missin, though i spoke to them!:D ) and two not-from-my-school friens, thanks to the one who introduced them to me (one of whom is really cute and the other one wud kill me if i dont call her cute)! okay they're really sick.. they had a truffle bought from daily bread, which s really really awesome and they ate it all and all i get is a mayura bakery cake.. nice, but still nothin compared to wat they'd otherwise bought! and they're nice enough to confess it to me! hehe.. but had a great time there too.. went out for a small snack, where my alter ego joined us, but hey, the time spent with them is always great, however small it may be!

To add to this, mom n sis flew down jus for this (and another imp occasion, which incidentally is tomorrow) for which i had the cake ready (and i still feel bad for the absence of the one who bought it for me!) so well, it finished on a good note..

Considerin i wont get to meet them all for some time to come, i did really want this day to be spent with everyone that mattered..So finally wen the day really mattered, the people who do matter a lot, made it worthwhile for me!!

ps:- I wudnt normally like an entry describin events like a report.. This one on preview, does seem like a report to me.. but hey, its jus a lame way of sayin thanks to everyone i love..

pps:- i finished with too many matters in there, dont u think?? my decently good synonym skills is goin below par!!

Started!

2008-11-25T14:42:00.000-08:00

Patience really pays.. U've gotta wait, jus wait until u get it.. Oh make sure u've done everythin thats needed to be done before u start waitin of course, but once ur thru ur end of the deal, JUST WAIT.. good things will come ur way..

But wats important is, think thru wat ur really waitin for.. get the bigger picture, not one frame of a million that make it up, even half a million wont do good.. Coz once u get it, u shud know wat the heck to do with it..

The truncated wait i thot was gonna prove real costly.. oh literally too.. I thot i'll neva hear/see/speak from/(blank)/to her before the deadline.. But i heard and also spoke,,, more than i usually do.. Many of my friens say i'm a chipku on the phone, but hey if u've spoken that long, ur responsible too! its a PHONE, not a PAGER, there's two way traffic..

And boy was this traffic clogged! which sounds like a bad - but is a good way of sayin i loved the jam!! Dint want it to end even thou my phone (read brick) has the worst reception on the planet.. jus for kicks, if i upgrade it to CDMA (read code division multiple access or say 3G CDMA for more familiarity which expands to 3 gujju chor, dhiru mukesh anil thou the credit really must go to USA, ok enough off topic!), which is a much better reception than GSM (like how india has hutch airtel spice etc), i still think the reception will suck.. I've to ssstttttrrrrrrrraaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnn my ears to hear anythin clearly and the surroundin must be dead quiet! even a whooossshhh of air is freakin irritatin.. But still i went yak yak for 2 hrs.. or maybe one, the other one comin from the other end of cos..

For anyone who has taken GRE/GMAT/IELTS or other such competitive exams, in the essay section, wats the directive? Intro, body and conclusion.. make ur premise in the intro, justify that with points in the body and summarize in the conclusion.. like how my really good english teacher abhishek raj (from IMS 4th bloc) said, one point, one paragraph for the body.. all the lesser points which are points with lesser relevance, must be combined together into one para at the very end jus before conclusion.. Now the hearin/talkin was like that.. the lesser relevance ones got done which was all put together in one last para.. The main part is left out.. Lets see, its been a while so i dont know how to go about it, but there's still time..

Oh gettin back to the start.. this is where my prob lies - i donno how to go about it.. see, all this while i was worried abt the start, now have to shift to 3rd gear and higher (like my drivin school instructor instructed me!) so its good to know the whole picture before u get on with the patience period.. oh wat the heck, ll figure out wat to do next! Like i said, there's still time..

ps:- heard the song called cobrastyle from teddybears? I'll be damned if i ever get the hang of the lyrics, but the song is kick-arse, it ll sure get a few joints shakin!

Movie

2008-11-22T12:28:00.001-08:00

I saw a movie today.. Dan in real life.. i see movies everyday, by the dozens, this one was in a theater..

I cant help but wonder, to watch a movie in a theater and there are no other plans, pre or post movie, all ur gonna do is watch a movie in a theater, do u really need company? Dark room, only source of light is the screen which varies every frame or scene wise atleast, concentration is fixated there so u dont wanna really talk..

So wats the point goin to a movie with company?!?

Beats me.. Probably jus have to do it one more time.. So its all cool.:-)

Damn (read two syllable)

2008-11-20T11:34:00.000-08:00

No, its not for a girl, i know i know, a two syllable damn is not applicable for anythin other than a hot chick, but am makin an exception here..

Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.. or swap the order.. i mean whichever order the guy who said it (or the gal who said it), said it in, this is somethin most people live by - if they have a sane head.. The movies makes u believe this is wat the covert ops swear by.. A frien always tells me this.. So i've tried to live by it too.. thou it never really works.. but it does wen i mean it to..

Thus i was prepared for the impending deadline i'll come to pretty soon.. i've pictured it, thought about how to deal with it and i've even made speeches about how am gonna deal with it wen i actually face it (in my head of cos).. So in this overwhelmin scene, i allow the point to be made by the one who is supposed to make a point and then, i make my point, rather, deliver my speech and quietly walk away from the 'setting'... simple as that.. it had covered pretty much everythin i had to say and it quietly held back everythin i wanted to say without speakin..

Be careful wen u make a wish, it might come true.. Heard of that? well thats wat happens wen u've wished for somethin and made 'intense' preps about the speech for the wish.. while i was preppin up for the big speech, i never gave the wish a second thought and then, the wish actually came true.. n now i wish i hadnt made the wish at all..

All these days i've been thinkin of it to happen like it was always there, like it was already planned and i am preppin up for the plan but not exactly the wish.. coz subconsciously i always thot this was my way of puttin the point across.. and for that to happen, the wish had to come true, which for me was a plan.. Now the wish is actually true, so the plan wich was a wish before has become a wish now.. so there's a new plan to undo the plan before which was originally a wish.. no i dont intend to confuse.. but thats exactly how it is..

Well the point is, my deadline was far ahead, which i had wished was much earlier so i could get out soon but this was never gonna happen as there was no premise for the wish to come true, which means to say for the deadline to get advanced.. But now it actually has! So all the plannin i did to deliver the speech for the advanced deadline is in place, but now that i've come to realize that it is ACTUALLY advanced, i do not wanna even do the s of the speech.. damn this sucks..

But there is a flip side to this.. or shud i say lookin at the bright side.. I'm in infinite grey.. With this there s a pretty darn good probability that i'll jump to black or white.. Black is my favourite color but white is where i wanna be..

ps:- even the advanced deadline is one helluva long time for a start to happen! still waitin!

Learnin a new language!

2008-11-18T09:06:00.000-08:00

Its not exactly new per se.. i'm talkin about my mother tongue - Kannada!

Well, i was born n brought up in Bangalore, stayed here most of my life, kannada is my mother tongue.. But sadly, i'd never learnt it.. coz i studied in a CBSE school, so kannada wasn't the first language, unlike in state schools.. from the 6th grade on, its a third language with an option of sanskrit as an alternative.. i took sanskrit since my mom had an idea that kannada can be taught at home but sanskrit ll be a new language to learn so its fun.. but still, neva did learn kannada..

The past weekend was good.. i was out all day and was tired and i was jus flippin channels.. my little bro had to start his homework.. he was supposed to practise hindi letters.. but by mistake he brought his kannada book.. so while he was about to replace his book, i took the kannada book from him.. well, i'm sittin jobless with nothin useful or specific to do for the next couple of months, so wat the heck, might as well have a look..

Like ive mentioned before, engineers cannot work without a deadline or a target to reach.. i have to sit n study my subjects all over again, revise basics big time.. which i never do.. all i do is carry some rough papers with either tanenbaum or pahlavan in my hand (they're authors of some kick arse engineerin books!) and watch tv, read newspaper, play with the li'l kids at home or talk to my aunt or sms someone or the other, etc.. So here i had a workin pad with rough sheets ready and a pen.. So this time, cuttin out the usual timepass, i picked up my kid's kannada book n started learnin..

Ur jobless, u dont have much else use of time, so wen u have somethin new to work at, ur focus is top notch! Started sunday night, finished monday evenin.. now i can write some really complex words! n if u've learnt 3 languages with crazy, good and the most logical set of grammar respectively, u can apply it to any new language, so i'm pretty sure i can write sentences properly without much grammatical errors..

My next task at hand, gotta write a letter to mom and dad and scan it and send it to them.. Not a tough ask i feel..

How did i learn quick one might ask.. even if not, its important leme tell u! for any task, motivation is an important factor.. if its strong, u'll do it quite well.. my secret for motivation- my dear mommy..

She had threatened me that if i hadnt learnt the language before i left for my masters, she'd get me married to a girl from a discrete village in karnataka who knew nothin other than kannada! wen she says it with intent, she means it! dint wanna wait to take the risk!:)

STAR WARS

2008-11-09T12:39:00.000-08:00

For all the star wars fans out there, i feel so lame joinin the bandwagon so late.. For the ones who dont belong to that club yet, what the hell, come on in soon..

The movies are sheer brilliance.. once u see this, u'll realize how good it is.. coz the references to the star wars are innumerable.. Everywhere, directly, subtly, relatively in some way or the other, u'll find a link to star wars.. If there was a survey as to what is the most common factor amongst people the world over, star wars will outnumber everythin else by such a big factor that the factor which comes in 2nd will look like a hut in comparison to the skyscraper or say like VXworks OS which has a monopoly in the RTOS world or say the pacific ocean and the puttenhalli lake..get the picture right??

U really ought to watch it to believe it.. Look at the sheer brilliance of Lucas to come up with somethin like this..(sorry for redundancy of words!) some source on the web says he wanted to release the story in nine parts as three trilogies..n 2 of em have come out.. by the looks of it, dont think the third one is comin out at all.. there r some cynics n critics who say that the 2nd trilogy was decided way after the first one.. but well i strongly believe that lucas had this planned long ago.. damn, even if he dint, who cares.. creativity does not have to be justified..jus showcased.. and boy has he done it well..

Okay well, for those who have seen star wars and readin this, u'll know the facts..i'm tryin to explain to any and everyone as to wat makes this so brilliant for me!

So lets lay some ground work first.. the first trilogy was released in 1977,80 and 83 (wonder why there r 3 yr gaps!!) he calls em a new hope, empire strikes back and return of the jedi.. then came the second trilogy after a 16 year long hiatus in 1999,2002 and 05 called the phantom menace, attack of the clones and revenge of the sith..

The first trilogy is actually the way star wars ENDS.. yea u read that right, the way it ends! The build up is soo frickin awesome that it ll leave u wantin for more.. The small hidden secrets are unravelled beautifully along the way.. the climax is soo good that after u see the whole set, u'll certainly think a third trilogy wont be that bad! u'll infact anticipate for more if ever lucas announces it.. Add to this the stunnin visual effects.. come on, seriously, in the 70s and 80s to come up with all those space stations, space crafts, galaxy, different systems of planets.. waaayyyyy too good!! oh wat the heck, to come up with an idea and imagination like that itself is simply awesome! (credit goes to the novelist..but stunnin screenplay work by lucas nonetheless!) i seriously cant imagine how one wud have even thought of and then eventually come up with such awesome product! further add to this, all the minor detailin.. like the wookie goin gggrrrrr all the time (stella from how i met your mother season 4, does a good impression!!) and the tatooinians speakin their own language.. different scene set up for each planet.. the futuristic weapons (oh this section demands a dedicated paragraph) and most amazin thing.. the millenium falcon.. flyin at the speed of light!!! even if ur a cynic who doesnt like sci fi (oh trust me, i'm a big cynic..i HAVE NOT read harry potter or lord of the rings!), u must watch this for jus the effort that has gone in for this creation!

On to the second trilogy, well wat do u know, tech has advanced soo much.. the kinda visual effects that can be generated this era, u must see it to believe it.. watch the randy pausch video, u'll get a great insight into wats happenin in this field (at this point, i must wish a happy fulfillin career to my dear frien shobh who'll walk all over this field am sure!).. The graphics here are jus awesome..u'll roll ur eyes with the effects produced.. as far as the story is concerned, well this is a PREQUEL to the first trilogy.. this is about how the story builds up to the first set.. mind you, the first set doesnt reveal much of this part where u can assume u know the story, ur jus here to see how it happens, nay, not at all.. There's so much new u'll learn here.. In ur mind, to create links between this and the first set, u'll be left workin ur very last brain cell.. its that interestin!!

The dedicated section for the weapons- oh well, the weapon.. i mean THE weapon - the Light Sabre the color of yoda's sabre.. boy oh boy wud i like this weapon in my hand! that has to be the most innovative part of the star wars.. i had carefully not mentioned the jedi until now, but wat the heck, they're the ones to watch out for the movie..wont talk more abt it.. lets leave lucas to show u the effect!

But hey, do u know wats the best part behind all this? the first set is titled episodes 4,5 n 6..and the second set as episodes 1,2 and 3! So ur left to wonder, which order do u watch it in?? The order in which lucas made the movies or the order in which he numbers them? I cant help but think, how wud ur perception be in whichever way u've watched it? i really wanna know.. i'm on the lookout for a person who shud watch it in the order numbered, since i saw it in the order he made em.. n i wanna know the way he/she perceives the story to see if it really makes a difference, coz i definitely think it does!! any takers??

Now everybody knows that star wars is an adaptation from the novels, but screenplay is no easy work.. this is where lucas leaves everyone behind n portrays his brilliance.. i cant help but wonder, wat if he had released it in the numbered order? Jus in perspective, assumin that the year of release is the same, a few things that wud've changed:-

1. All the stunnin effects he creates for the second set wud be for the first set.. so with respect to tech advancement, seems correct and appropriate! so now u realize the difficulty he had to show the earlier movies with greater tech than the new ones! (both the skywalkers' hands for example, observed by barath!)

2. The ease with which the audience wud've absorbed the movie.. which i think takes off some charm from the movie.. coz the effort involved in makin that a newer period than the second set wud be nullified right there!

3. Most importantly, at the end of the first set, extreme reactions cud be anticipated! think of it, it ends on a bad note.. so it wud either leave people gaspin for more..or it wud leave them extremely angry and impatient to wait for the next set, if at all.. to justify it, well, people were anyways left gaspin for more but leavin them angry, bad idea.. Thus the order in which it was released makes it awesome! to add to it, the numberin of the episodes.. now, for people who can watch it in one stretch, can choose any order, thus my lookout for the experiment candidate!

Well i can call this entry the most disorganized, ungreatful, unjustified, incomplete, grossly understated article for star wars ever.. Coz no one can do enough justice to this marvel of an epic.. but for the ones who see it, ur ineffable speech and overwhelmin feelins will certainly do justice! Watch it to prove the point, search ur feelins, u'll know em to be true!

May the force be with you dear reader! (and the writer! heh..)

If my answer is yes, what is your question?

2008-11-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

Well thats it.. Just leme know how much time it took u to phrase the question..

How many degrees till a full circle is reached??

2008-10-31T11:43:00.000-07:00

Any staunch believers in the sayin life comes a full circle? If yes, is it because of facin the consequence first and then the sayin or vice versa? And wat about those who dont believe in it and never faced any consequence?(or wudnt care a shit about the consequence anyways!)

Wat i'm tryin to figure out is, if u believe in the sayin and somethin happens and then u face the consequence, how shitty it could get..but i've seen people who dont believe in it and they get away with it so easily! so is it like a punishment of sorts for havin come across that damned phrase?! (hey no offence to the one who said it, man ur right..but it sucks..i'm sure u'd agree!)

Sometimes i think its coz of the beautiful mind that we possess.. which can so freakin easily link one thing to another wen all facts are laid out on the table.. (haa now that phrase is funny!) hmmm, say for example, u abused some guy and some other guy abused u..commonplace i know, but the catch here is, the abusin is exactly similar (is that an oxy moron?).. So u know that u have abused, and u know u have been abused, facts laid and the obvious inference, full circle! Here the chances of facin the exact same abuse as delivered are pretty good, given the limited number of preferred swear words, but still thats how ur mind wud think.. The reason for believin now, wud work both ways..inadvertently u've related it in ur head and thus the belief pops up, or the pop up has happened and thus the relation.. but it sucks either ways doesnt it?

Why does it suck, u may ask.. well, if u've been in such situations many times over (and this is a lame, dull, weak, foundation less example mind u), ur frequency is adjusted to evaluatin ur actions every time it conflicts ur behaviour aberrations.. and then comes the waitin.. the wait where ur gonna face the music from somewhere or the other.. and ur desperately hopin it comes soon and u get done with it and more importantly, its not from someone u love..that waitin period kills u.. its faaaarrrrr worse than waitin for VTU results, waitin for ur girl on a date, waitin for a response from a university u've applied to, waitin for a group of 25 friends on a table for 25 all by urself (i've done that for 45 freakin minutes!), waitin for a wicket to fall wen india is fieldin, waitin for hamilton to crash wen he's ahead of kimi, waitin for a bus where the bus stop is jam packed and ur broke to go any other way or ur so dumb u dont know how to ride a bike u own, waitin for food wen ur the part of the host family where the number of guest list exceeds 20 and ur really really hungry, oh damn u get the point!

Now thats wat i'm doin.. I hurt someone i like, a lot (the likin is for my own, selfish, needy, non concerned, pitiful reasons..the one who this brackets is intended for, knows who she is) and now i'm waitin.. i know its comin back my way.. and its from the one who if i was given a choice to avoid to face it from a hundred other people, i'd choose the hundred..or any big number..say googol..

So, really, how many degrees is it till a full circle is reached? the one that i hurt has faced atleast 3 circles (1080 degrees) till it finally became a full circle to put an end to the misery.. Wonder how many am gonna face till my full circle is reached.. think i've began to mark the circumfrence, which shud be about 1/8th a pie..(greek man, not the dish! and oh, radians now, not the degree!)

The universe never balances things out.. BUT IT SHOULD.. even if its against me for the predicament i'm in, it really should..

ps:- barath, no grinnin.. the rest of u, dont see house season 2..anyways, its not copyrighted!

Spark!

2008-10-30T13:34:00.001-07:00

This one's for my most favorite and the most annoyin (for everyone else) trait - Statin the obvious!

I just got off readin another blog by a person i dont even know.. I jus saw the name in my recent visitors on orkut n looked into the profile.. N the "about me" on the profile was very well written.. I've said that in the most plain way as plain can get.. But to drive the point in, its like some visitor on sachin tendulkar's trainin session tellin him, nice cover drive! Doesnt justify the shot or the rest of the talent he posseses in any way!

Gettin on to the reason for this entry..... i hadnt written anythin in a long time.. coz the reason for this blog to exist seems to be diminishin.. if u have a vehemently venomous venom, u die quick.. if u have somethin mild with strong effects but in miniscule doses, u die reeeaaaaallllll sssllllllllooooooowwwwww.. and u tend to accept it, since there's no other choice..and none of the livin part meanwhile makes u happy.. but u still live on anyways.. (okay, the analogy is fallin apart, but its correct until 2/3rds down the way) which goes to say, my expiry date is 3 months from now until i start a new life.. So even while the existin life is gettin dull coz of "the reason", the profile i read was a spark enough to still keep the reason goin!

N 3 months is one hell of a long time (painfully, excruciatingly, snail pace long time) for the reason to pick up life and unify both the existin and the soon to come life into one non-separated, continuous, smooth flow!!

Great Expectations

2008-10-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

Now that i'm on the brink of leavin (thou three months is pretty long, seems incredibly short for the pace at which i'm goin.. dunno if its the thoughts or the actions thats goin top speed but!), i've come to realize the things that's not okay with me anymore.. it was alright all the while, coz i dint really care, but now, i'm left with no time and it seems to matter a great deal..

I have a great set of school buddies and we're havin a 'reunion' of sorts soon which i'm lookin forward to.. this i really wanna have more often but sadly not all of us are in the same city.. so considerin that this is the last chance for the next two years atleast, this is gonna be great!

I went to a friend's house another night to watch a telugu movie and an english movie and eat pizzas and pass off sound asleep.. But we ended up discussin networks for more than an hour.. and they are both top notch brains (read choragudi and ponanna)! that conversation was stimulatin.. enough to make me open my tanenbaum (best TECHNICAL author i've read till date, join his community on orkut) and read through some parts that are relevant.. certainly i want more of that! Wish it could happen on a more regular basis..

I met two of my really good friends (deeps n keds).. They're both very kind, down to earth.. great to spend time with.. none of our conversations are really intended at anythin but i never realize how time goes by wen am talkin to them.. n keds is one genius brains..

I met my BMSIT group of friends another day.. My best bud was missin thou.. he's been abscondin from this for some time now.. and by the looks of it, i'm soon gonna follow suit.. these guys are nice.. great to spend time with them individually.. but i cant handle them as a group.. now that, i definitely dont want more often.. Like i said before, i never really cared about certain things before coz overall, i still liked hangin out with all of em at the same time.. but now that i dont have time in hands, i feel there's no need to overlook things that bug me.. they bug me to a point where writin this seems pointless!

but well, it was always pointless.. except for a few things that matter, or better put, except for a few aspects of this whole bloggin business that matters, which for me, is headin to a certain direction which am hopin it will take me to..(even if it doesnt, the attempt will take me there sooner or later) but hey, that was a head fake which i'm spellin out like a dictation!!

the point is, i always did a lotta things jus coz i've always been doin them.. there was never a reason not to do it or not to not do it.. call it a monotonous thing which at the end of the day, wud be some time killed that i'll never get back, but that was the time i never cared for.. now to realize i've done too much of that without puttin a stop to things i absolutely loathe, its become a monotonous thing for them too, which at the end of the day, doesnt matter to them either! but the difference lies in the fact that, they assume it can go on forever, indefinitely coz at the end of the indefinite period, it still wudnt matter..but for me, that indefinite period is over! so i'll go barath's way and stay out! best way out, seriously.. in the process, i've left somethin super precious out there in the open, just waitin to get my hands back on those babies!

To think of it all, i've reached this point which i never thought i will.. it was coz i never had any expectations from anybody for anythin (read pooni, my group, my former college n the likes) but now i've begun to have expectations.. its a big deal for me that i'm not gonna stay put for all eternity and thus, things that matter abt people are supposed to surface.. and the fact that it isnt, is enough to say chuck it off!! Like my dearest friend (she's a doll, wonderful really, she even made me read the book which holds the same title as this entry!!) told me the same day, why do u have expectations, dont have expectations.. this was in reply to my sayin that the reaction expected was bad.. the problem was, the reaction wasnt bad.. the realization was bad.. that i never liked it and i always put up with it coz they mattered..

So yeah, expectations end here..coz the ones that are supposed to live up to it, do far better than expected and the ones that dont, never have! and now that i realized they never have, it feels worthless.. but well, wat the heck.. i'll let it pass n leave in peace..

coz the one that i unwillingly expect the most from, is yet to begin with.. and three months is a hell of a long time for a start to happen!! still waitin!!

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar

2008-10-17T07:47:00.001-07:00

The Gavaskar-Border series is on..Yes, gavaskar comes first, chronology doesn apply here.. The first match was a tame draw..oh wat the heck, a well played draw.. Twas in Bangalore..! and thats where sachin shud've gotten his 67 runs.. He came agonizingly close to it..fell short by 14 runs.. That was a privilege robbed from the bangalorean fans.. Doesnt matter, coz then comes Mohali..the 2nd test..

After a blazin start from the openers and a good support by namma huduga rahul dravid, they collapsed as badly as ever.. But hey, in came tendulkar after the fall of dravid.. At that moment, i dint even think about the position we were in (hey i mean the guys playin cricket), all i cared abt was sachin gettin to 14 and then take it from there..

I'm sooo nervous wen i watch cricket alone that i feel the negative energy created by me is the reason they get out or get belted off.. So i wasnt even home to watch him get there.. But that was a small price to pay (considerin my mindset) to see him reach there eventually anyways.. An innings of class and substance (how many times have u heard those adjectives for sachin??), was a treat to watch..! hey i saw the replays over and over again..! He got out at 88..a habit he's made offlate to get out jus before he cud possibly get his hundred..but again, doesnt matter..

A score of 88 calls for one lift off of the bat and the helmet and his usual heavenly glance.. But this was no ordinary 88.. This one called for 3 lift offs!! once for becomin the highest run getter..the second for his 50th 50 and the third for the ONE AND ONLY to reach 12000 runs in test cricket..okay considerin the 50th 50, lets call it 4 lift offs..And thats how u get to a milestone.. Wat a way to reach a new high in a career filled with highs..so many highs that those who dope wud feel inadequate in comparison.. The records that matter are against the name sachin tendulkar.. highest run getter in odis (nearin 17k, god help the rest who intend to catch up), highest centuries in one day (43 if i aint wrong), highest centuries in tests (39) and now, the highest run getter in tests.. I wonder wats left to achieve.. wats even more intriguin is if anyone can catch up..

Abt all this, wats all the more intriguin is his humility in acceptin it.. Very few have the humility that he has..i wont even say portrays, coz he certainly doesnt try n exhibit it, but its seemingly obvious..

Kudos to a great champion, servin our country for the last 18 years.. Hope the dirty politicians dont bug him like they did to dada.. And also lets hope for many more runs to flow from his bat..

A footnote (this is jus for krutz's sake).. dada achieved his personal milestone today too..7k runs! Hope his 50 today goes on to be a 100 tomorrow..

Cheers for an Indian victory in advance!

Randy Pausch

2008-10-15T11:39:00.001-07:00

This i should have written long ago.. Long before i mentioned what a head fake is or before i ranted off on wateva thots that came n stayed in my head..

The last lecture.. buy the book..but more importantly, WATCH THE VIDEO. There's a lot to learn from it. Ok forget about the learnin, there's a lot to appreciate from it.

I'm generally a good publicist or an extremely pushy publicist. This goes to everyone who has heard about matt reilly from me. n i know bein pushy doesn help one bit even thou the guy exudes livin life to the fullest.

But Randy Pausch here, Dr. Randy Pausch for payin respects, is an example of a guy who lived his life to the fullest.

Internet Etiquettes!

2008-10-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

I'm 22 years now (well almost) and the computer rage started somewhere around 10 years ago in our country (i guess). I got introduced to a comp when i was in the 9th std (or grade, wateva's convenient for u). Durin the time i grew up, the thing remotely close to a comp was video games on TV! the ones that came with the cartridge.. dont know how many of u wud have played on it, but it was AWESOME. Games like mario, baseball, contra rocked! I never owned one, but my cousins did. And thats all we did all day long all through the year. Buy a new cartridge that came out and go right at it.

Off topic:- for contra fans, i'd reached level 16..anyone gone beyond that?

Yeah its unfair to call it a computer coz its an embedded system really. But well, good enough to give it the title of an early computer for kids who love video games.

Well like i said earlier, i got introduced to it in the 9th std. Pretty late i suppose. But this machine is so cool that ur bound to pick it up real fast. In this generation, wat makes the computer even more awesome than ever before? access to internet (off topic again, watch the true story of internet on discovery, its a frickin rage! brilliant! interested ppl can contact me!) hmmm.. so if ur usin ur computer say 10 hrs a day, 9 of em wud surely be on the net and the other 1 hr wud be spent on sortin out the stuff u got from the net.

Most people my age group wud've grown up without a comp. aint it? wen u grew up, sure ur parents did teach u manners and ettiquettes which are important for ur personality development et al. In any given situation, u can surely figure out how to behave, wat to do, how to do etc. N its always easy to improvise. Now why am i mentionin this? well, coz it is easy, aint it? its easy coz u know the GROUND RULES. once u know the rules, u can play around it to ur convenience, however u wanna..

These rules apply pretty much everywhere..in the real world..(no i dont intend to get into the matrix!!) be it a hospital, a restaurant, or wen ur datin a chick at a restaurant, school, parties, social gatherings, wherever the heck.

Now wat about the virtual world? Wen ur online, wat r the rules to follow? That's where my problem lies.. coz as far as i'm concerned, there are no frickin rules! And there neednt be any, really. U could just be urself and let ur subconscious take its route. But wat happens wen u consciously have to do somethin and u dont really know wat to do? Too many rules (the general ones, that are applicable ANYWHERE in the real world) conflict with each other!

If that moment of discomfiture makes the situation awkward, man ur gone.. u'd seem like a total stranger to ur usual personality. It'll seem like a complete mismatch..! A HYPOTHETICAL situation to corroborate:

Ur online on gtalk or messenger..and ur best-est pal whom u havent spoken to in a while is online too..but with a status- busy! See normally twud be ok to say hi and get a reply like sorry i'm busy will get back to u wen free.. But u havent spoken in a while.. to be really specific, ur last conversation was a complete misunderstandin that lead to introspection big time.. Now wat do u do? Do u still ping or buzz and say hi and get the reply and pretend like its ok? Or just pretend like ur not online at all?

The options and the assumed repercussions:

I pretend like she is not online and thereby i dont initiate a conversation at all.. neither does she.. end of story, matter finishes, all's well that ends well.. But the mind that churns out thoughts a dozen per sec wudnt stop now wud it? This i feel wud lead to another misunderstandin or a situation where the need to talk is no longer felt or even worse, it becomes an obligation!

Another option is to ping or buzz and say hi..for which ur bound to get a reply - busy..gtg..ttyl..cya.. translates to - busy, gotta go, talk to u later, DO NOT DISTURB ME, cya.. Now this sucks, wud probably make u feel too desperate to talk which is not well received for the obvious reasons. Thereby, u regret it and feel u were better off with the first option.

Either options sucks doesnt it? coz both of em leads to a direction u dont wanna be headin towards.. But hey, there might just be a third option.. which is simply that she's actually honestly busy and cudnt talk, big deal, catch ya next time!

this means ur brains is on an overdrive..!!!(strange wen u say brains, plural, followed by is, addressed for singular..coz unless ur the rain man, u do have two parts of the brain but its all in one skull! hey meghs, need help here (oh she's a pandit at english).. anyways, for now, i assume it is right!) so gettin back, yea brains on overdrive which leads to complicated, insignificant, irrelevant repercussions which ur the lone suffer-er of!

Now u might think wat the hell has the topic gotta do with this entry? Nothin i guess.. its all a head fake man, its all a head fake!

But well, if u did know internet etiquettes, twud save ur brain from goin on an overdrive aint it? So now that its all out, its finally restin thoughts free..and i'll continue with my 4 day video marathon!

Empty Day

2008-10-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

How often do u receive msgs from someone who cares for u, askin, how was ur day? It used to be on a rather regular basis not so far ago.. Now, i'm done with engineerin (yea man, i'm an engineer!! a lousy one at that, but still, quite a proud feelin to say i'm a telecomm engineer!!:D) So wat do engineers do after finishin engineerin? they take up a job..but wat have i done? i've deferred my one and only job offer not once, not twice, but thrice.. they'd be enormously generous if they ever give me a fourth call!! So yeah, i'm an engineer and i'm jobless. Wat am i doin instead? Doin a course in embedded systems (its pretty useful for wat i wanna do next) and am also workin on wat i wanna do next.. not with utmost dedication mind u, but once in a while, sluggin out for it!

Gettin back to the point where the msgs came.. Mostly twas from my friends in my batch..now most of them are workin..or doin somethin worthwhile.. So i dont often receive msgs where there's a friendly banter about all irrelevant things in the world! There are a few juniors, but i havent kept in touch with most of em.. there's one awesome frien of mine who's too busy with career options.. there's another awesome frien of mine whose msg has been missin for quite sometime.. coz either she's too busy doin the million things she keeps herself busy with or one of her friens is givin her trouble or she's too busy figurin somethin abt herself all the time.. So offlate there's not been much time for her to spend, not even for the most important events in my life which have been aplenty.. And the kinda busy schedule she's livin, it aint right on my behalf to ask for her time either..i've just gotta wait..but dont know if i have enough time to keep waitin.. but i have no other choice..so waitin i am! and my inbox's been dry! which leads to the topic of the day - empty day!

Sure lotsa people do have empty days wen nothin happens at all.. ur left with a gapin feelin of nothingness attached to urself which u tend to believe is permanent, but the moment u figure out somethin to do, it subsides and slides away.. but as long as the feelin is clingin on, it sucks! But i had an activity filled day.. Here's wat i did:

1. got up late as ever..took my own sweet time to freshen up and read the paper..

2. Had to help out a frien with his frien issues.. So i did an incomplete, incorrect favor for which i had to pay the bills.. so i payed the bills.. met up with zahra(good frien of mine..i call her teacher..!) well after that..had some juice..went lookin for some prof..then got dropped back to a convenient point..

3. came back home..saw a brilliant innings by dravid go to waste thanks to the lousy umpire..then another brilliant one by dada come to an end in a bizzarre way, thanks to the lousy umpire again..then an awesome entertainment filled partnership between bhajji and zaheer..now this was bhajji's fault to get out..the umpire stayed out of it surprisingly!

4. Studied a few things that are relevant..

5. Spoke to my MOM online..(which is somethin that usually makes my day!) and then spoke to aunt abt a few other relevant things..

6. Saw 4 episodes of HOUSE season 4.. which were pretty amazin as usual..

7. Listened to trapeze swinger by iron and wine (yea its an activity coz the song is 10 mins long..9:32 actually..but worth it..lovely!)

Now writin this coz inspite of doin things, which technically means it wasnt an empty day, there's a gapin empty feelin of nothingness which i think is permanent and it will never go away.. which means to say, i did have an empty day.. Coz all day long i've been thinkin of somethin.. Somethin that will happen in 4 months from now..actually 2 days short of 4 months.. and if things fall into place, much earlier than that!

And in the process, i wud've lost out on a thing that is far more important than any of the 7 listed (except chattin with mom) and the waitin process is killin..Feels like i've been livin the same day everyday doin the same thing- which is waitin..and nothin else is more relevant.. not the awesome course or the awesome dude who takes the course (my god, he's got brains..to top it, he's got dedication!), nor the sketches that i do, nor the books that i read, nor the studies that i have to do or the time i spend watchin series or shows or watever.. But there's nothin i can do abt it..except feel empty and hollow and nothin inside.. and fill it with all these awesome things that i do, which are actually awesome..but feels meaningless without wats missin..or bein missed..

Just realized i have some more studyin to finish before i can get back to bein hollow(which i dont wanna, but it happens, its like a default setting nowadays) So i'll go hit the books.. maybe some day wen the wait is over, there'll be some portions that will get filled and i'll be fueled to carry on doin awesome things.. wat if it doesnt come? like i said, there's nothin i can do..And if i do somethin abt it (which i've tried) it has/will ended/end up in a disaster.. So yea, i'll seriously go hit the books now..Chao!

Unique!

2008-10-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

The english language is pretty amazin! The number of alphabets are limited, but still enough, the no. of rules are quite stagerrin n wats worse is the no. of exceptions to each of those rules and yet, its pretty easy to get a hang of.. Most wud ve been studyin english for quite some time, so u'd read it and say wat the heck! But u'll truly appreciate the language wen u do one of the followin:
1. Learn a foreign language
2. Study for GRE (works the opposite way initially but worth the trouble)
3. Speak to someone who hardly speaks english
4. Speak to someone who is sooo freakin awesome at english..
I've had the fortune to do all 4, so ergo, cool language!!

Now wen u learn such an awesome language, ur bound to have things like favourite words, favourite phrase, fav hierarchy of words (u know, words that are synonyms, but each carry a weight, like i'm sorry and i apologize, apologize looks heavier!) and other such things..
Lets not get into the phrases, there's a frickin long list! and if i state it, twud make em my cliches, so i'd rather not..same goes with the hierarchy, most wont register the concept!
but some words are truly adorable! so i'll get into the words that i like:
1. relative :- not uncle aunty relative..but einstein relative..oh u shud ask him why a chicken crossed the road! well u get the point, relative is an absolutely awesome word..coz everythin in the world is relative with everythin else, even absolute for that matter is relative to the other things that come close to absolute and thus absolute, with respect to the other close ones, becomes absolute, else even that wud've been relative if another absolute was established..cool na?
2. zenith,pinnacle:- both mean the same..wat it signifies is wat makes em my fav words.. most things in life which u feel outta true love or passion or hate (other such abstracts) are ineffable..(another word i love, means inexplicable).. oh well i face such situations a dozen per day..ok realistically a dozen per month..but wat matters is, wen u face such inexplicable abstracts, how do u explain them? say u felt the zenith of the respective abstract..
sad part is, it doesnt imply the full meanin - look how sloppy it seems wen u say to a girl, i feel the zenith of love for u! but it has a full blast nuclear attack wen u say somethin like- u know wat?everytime i talk to u, u drive me to the zenith of my patience! oh dear lord, the effect it has..but the small "kirik" here was, the speaker and the receiver was both me..i felt the extent of the attack for about 6 months.... till i heard her voice again!
3. tintinnabulation - means makin noise which sounds like a bell! i like it solely for the sound of the word, coz its literally that!
4. verisimilar - means very similar..llloooovvveeee this! coz the speed at which i talk, if i tell some siblings u both look very similar and they say slow down, i can say i was sayin the word verisimilar so it makes it valid!
5. oh well the list here is tooo long..but thats besides the point..! the point is:-
6. the word UNIQUE! i liked this word coz of wat it stands for..singling out from a big bunch of watevers.. if somethin stands out unique, there's nothin else like it.. There exactly lies my issue!

Hmmm.. so unique is not relative for me..its supposed to be absolute..coz u can only use unique wen EVERYTHIN else that matters in the same group of classification is measured or rated or compared or watever to bring out one entity and brand it UNIQUE.. thus the usage of unique comes in after a lot of study.. u cant just have one look at a new book in a store and say its unique.. u read it, read a countless lot more and then pick one of em and say it is unique.. For u to realize the extent to which i value this word, i HAVE NOT called any matthew reilly book unique! so u can imagine the rights of reservation for the word..!!!

No really, think of it..wat makes some object unique? (the object entails every category thinkable, mind u!)
wen it stands out from every other object in the same group as totally different and the most good one (see if it belonged to the bad category, u wont call it unique, u'd call it awkward or abnormal or doesnt fit the bill basically) so now u might think wat the heck, then u shud never use unique at all since so much of thought is involved..yes thats right! dont use it if it aint worth it! u may speak 10k words a day, but its ok to not use unique even on 10 such days!!

Now, on a personal note..i said earlier that unique is attributed to somethin thats absolute! so wat if i find somethin that overrides the worth of absolute? then unique is held by the new thing that i found! so it makes it HIGHLY incorrect to use unique for the first thing to start off with! thus, for me, once a certain thing is unique, done, over, khatam, khallas, nothin else can possibly replace it.. one unique girl for a guy, one unique career (i mean the reason for pursuin a certain career), one unique mind (coz every one's mind works in its own amazin or non-different way!) and other such things..

And then comes the biggest blow!! I've seen several people misuse the word and i dont give a damn or a dime..how wud it matter! but this one misuse of the word was sooooo intense..so painful that it will never go..its not like a painless scar will remain or anythin, but its bigger, there's no scar but intense, deep, focussed pain! There are two instances in my life where in one i'd absolutely loved ( truly absolutely, its replaceable and thus not unique, but still absolute for the moment) and in another i'd absolutely hated the usage of unique.. never mind the part where i loved it, coz its said and done..and it will remain that way for me for good! but the part where i hated it, makes me ridicule this whole theory of the weight of the word unique..

Now let me drift into wen u wud call a PERSON unique..in the true sense of the word, that instance never comes! coz ur always meetin new people all the time, so ur frame of reference with respect to the prospect of the myriad no. of new people ur gonna meet, is always small.. but u know wat? the instance does happen.. wen u feel like- here is a person who is soooo unique, that come wat may, i'll never ever find another one like him/her.. and wen it comes, it stays sacred forever..and thats wat makes me, the first instance of the good usage of unique, happy! But wat if u attribute it to some frien who has been nice to u in staccato? some guy who rationalizes his decisions based on comparison like she's a bench mark? to make it worse, that bench mark reference is appreciated! and he of all the people in the world was called unique (well not exactly, but a synonym pointin with huge arrows and glowin lights to unique).. come on..there were 6 billion to choose from and he was chosen?
now wat happens? i think the extent of the usage is not realized and that it might be used for any other person,by categorizin him/her differently..but that demeans the definition of unique doesnt it?? renders it useless..coz its used so liberally! it was better off if the word was non existent.. coz if it does exist, no girl, atleast not someone as sensible as this one, shud be allowed to use it sooooo liberally..

And thus, the word that preceeded relative in my favourites list, has gone a full circle anticlockwise and has taken the first place for the word i hate the most!!! atleast until the intense pain subsides, if it is ever possible!!

And hey if u've felt bad about this and u wanna talk about it, u know i will listen! a draft is waitin to be sent!

Title undisclosed!

2008-10-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

I'm guessin that builds a certain level of curiosity to force you to check the post, doesnt it? Well if u readin this line, my guess is right!

The reason why the title is not revealed is, for anyone who knows me, if they'd read the appropriate title, they wud've never checked it out.. But since u here neways, give it a shot..!

The title is, MATTHEW REILLY..

Yes, the greatest author the face of the earth has ever seen..yea there's ayn rand, charles dickens, jeffery archer, robert ludlum, paulo coelho, khaled hosseini, eric segal etc etc..none of em though, come anywhere close to the level set by matt reilly!

My frien barath is all set to warn him of a stalker.. and another dear frien pooni assumes i'm goin to australia coz he was the decidin factor..(well thats partially true, imagine a personally signed hard bound for his next release, it will be better than a date with scarlett johansson whom i ve a huge crush on!! well maybe not, but if im contemplatin the comparison, it does mean somethin!!)

Alright, the list of his books:

1. contest(3)

2. ice station(2)

3. temple(1)

4. area 7(4)

5. scarecrow(5)

6. hover car racer(6)

7. 7 ancient wonders(7)

8. six sacred stones..(8)

and then there's the novella called hell island!which ll be the first thing ll buy after touchdown! the brackets here indicate the order in which i've read them..as for the number of times, lets say its abt 8 times per book atleast..

He first wrote contest wen he was jus 19..he self published it ( wen i get a lotta money on hand, ll buy it on ebay for no matter wat the price!) and then after its success, he's a full time author..plus a lotta other things..like he writes short stories, screenplays, he's thinkin of directin his own movies etc..at this point i'll have to tell u his awesome quote - "hollywood wont make my movies coz they simply cant afford them!" read his books to realize the extent of the statement's weight!

A frien of mine, in her blog, had written wat breathtakin means wen she saw the niagara..well, i'll tell u i found out wat breathtakin means after readin his books..at the end of any of his books, (except maybe hover car racer since u feel that a few pgs before the end of the book) u let out a sigh of relief..a deep, loud and long sigh..feels like u've been holdin ur breath all along which u can let go only after finishin it..so u get wat i mean? he's that FAST with his stories..most authors, rather all authors, go rise and fall with their stories..but not reilly..with him, its blue's number 1 hit..ALL RISE..the build up jus does not stop! u'll feel the load gettin heavy as u keep flippin pages..

For back cover blurbs of his books, visit http://www.matthewreilly.com. U can also read his short stories online there..

His next book is the last of the jack west series..cant wait to get my hands on it..

Anyways, i'll end the post here..For my friends it wud seem surprisin that its so short..i can go on n on abt him..i cud write a book abt him..but the point of the post was not to give facts in its entirety or praise his books individually..for that u can go check his website, read the reviews of major newspapers and critics..the point of the post was to make u feel wat it feels like to read his books..for those who love a great deal of action, not the dhamaal dhimeel bollywood flick or even a scharzenneger flick or some such movies, i mean fast n furious action with great character buildin, intentions, purpose, means to an end, fight evil with the best heroes etc( u get the point right?), then read matt reilly..worth every penny u spend!

Series i love!

2008-10-05T10:58:00.000-07:00

Almost immediately i've an idea for wat to post next..at the end of this u'll know the variety of reasons for which i'm jobless!!
well, offlate i've been watchin too many series..to list em:
1. House..4 seasons!
2. Prison Break.. 4th season runnin..
3. Dexter.. 3rd season runnin..(no its not dexter's lab..thou i watch even that..! again, look it up in tv.com!)
4. Chuck..the first season's over..
5. the big bang theory..one season only..( geeks dont watch it, it will seem like jus another conversation..my3(my good friend, part of the gang)..especially u!)
6. Friends..all 10 seasons..somethin i can watch anytime!
7. Heroes..2 seasons so far..but i think its rather disappointing!
8. That 70s show..occasionally..
9. the famous cliche - last but not the least, How i met your mother! - 4th season..oh cant get enough of this one..

also, if u can classify shows like extreme engineerin, megastructures, super structures, true story of the internet, megafactories and monster moves as series, add those too! but i think they are more knowledgable than time pass as in the case of the other 9 listed..so these are rather different and thus not numbered!

and oh i almost forgot, tv reality shows like - top design, top chef, so you think you can dance, the amazing race(once in a while, both editions) are other shows that are pretty interestin..unlike the infinite number of shows on our desi channels..coz in these shows, the judges either have the entire power or half the power to eliminate contestants which kinda justifies them sittin there..else u cud call em prompters or commentators!

Alright time for some math..

House-each episode an average of 42 mins..86 episodes..thats 60 hrs and 12 mins..
Prison break - average of say 42 mins an episode..63 episodes seen so far..thats 44 hrs and 6 minutes..
Dexter - 50 mins an episode.. 25 so far..thats 20 hrs and 50 minutes..
Chuck - havent yet started!!!
Big bang theory..17 episodes of 20 mins each.. 5 hrs 40 mins..
Friends - oh man forget it..for the number of times i've seen it, it will be injustice to count the time spent!
Heroes - 34 episodes of abt say 45 mins each ( dont remember, its jus for the math!) - 17hrs and 10 minutes..
Neva mind the 70s show..
Lastly - how i met your mother.. 66 episodes so far of 20 mins each..22 hrs!!

GRAND TOTAL:-169 hrs and 58 minutes.. thats a week and 1 hr and 58 minutes!! sounds rather small aint it? but its that many wasted hrs spent havin fun!!

To add to this list, i still havent calculated the non-numbered shows.. and then count my collection of over 300 movies!

Now, to sum it up, reasons that prove am jobless:-

1. i spend too much time watchin shows, movies, snippets of lotta things etc..
2. to watch near 70 hrs of video sans the movies and other shows, it takes considerable amount of downloadin..so add all the hrs spent in searchin the torrents and watchin the speed graph on MuTorrent with mouth wide open!
3. Add to it my limited hard disk space ( its never really enough!!), which means all the time taken to burn em into dvds after careful classification - like genres, actors, directors etc..
4. Then there's the time taken to number those dvds to keep a track and make an excel file for it! ( My good frien ponz does the numberin and one of my best frien barath does the word file! got the idea from them)
5. Also the time spent doin the inaccurate math! (now u figure out the mistakes!!)
6. finally the time taken to post this article and then build this list! to someone who's gotten this far in the article, dude/dudette! u cud could count urself amongst my kinds!!!

But hey, for someone who's gotten this far into the article, love you! thanks for spendin time to read this!! :-D

N for the ones close to me, feel free to ask for the copies of these series..will gladly share it! make sure u have a terrabyte of space.. oh man cant wait for the microdot ooze!!

Enfin!!

2008-10-05T10:33:00.000-07:00

This is my first time bloggin! though i've always had the idea, never gave it a second thought.. inspite of several "inspirations" if i may put it that way.. for the list, there's manish from my class who's a brilliant writer and one helluva clever guy, the myriad number of blogs i keep searchin to look for details on any and every thing, another guy called chora by everyone who's a prolific speaker ( u listen to him talkin n u think this shud be put on a blog) and the biggest one being "Barnaby Stinson" (refer: a series called "how i met your mother" on http://www.tv.com/ and see the show,u'll know wat i mean!)..

but finally, created one today..thanks to a good friend named revathi balasubramaniam! ( for where she is now, her full name had to be mentioned:-) ) thanx reva..:-D

Now am thinkin of wat to post next..!

cya until then..

and for those who're wonderin wat enfin is, means finally..jus like my gmail account..you see i'm a slow starter, so wen i finally end up doin somethin that i wanted to and shud have, thats wat i end up sayin-finally!

n oh, enfin is french by the way!